Why I married my Uncle

Let me start off by saying : I DID NOT ACTUALLY MARRY MY UNCLE. (But I could have)

-Why you should not keep adoption a secret-

I recently just found out that my father was adopted. My father passed away 5 years ago and never had a clue he was adopted. My grandmother raised me for half of my childhood and she is a wonderful woman. She loved my dad through all of his weaknesses and addictions. When my father was dying she took care of him until his last breath… literally. She never once turned her back on him or myself. We did not have a lot of money growing up but she tried to give us everything she could. She is my grandma and that will never change. I am even more convinced that she is an angel. She CHOSE us.

But she did lie about him being adopted and that could have been very VERY bad…

This is our story and it is still being written.

My husband and I were sitting on the couch when we noticed we got a Facebook friend request from a lady we didn't know. I did not think much of it and we went on with our day. A few hours later I get a phone call from my dad’s widow saying some lady is claiming to be my biological grandmother and she thought she was telling the truth. I then make several phone calls seeing if this was true. There was a lot of crying. A lot of confusion. I was confused, mad, hurt and sad that my dad was not here to talk to about this. Finally I talk to someone in our family who witnessed this. She told me that it was true. She remembered my grandma bringing dad home. My grandma and grandpa could not have children of their own.

My grandmother really wanted a baby and somehow through the Catholic church found that my dad’s biological mother was giving her son up for adoption.

It was true… now what? So many emotions were going through me and I did not know what to think. Who was my blood family? Why did they give him up for adoption? Who was my biological grandfather? How many aunts and uncles and cousins do I have? How long have they been looking for my dad? What was their story? Why now?

Over the past few days I have communicated with several relatives. Biological grandmother, aunts and uncles. I got to hear their story.

My biological grandmother was one of 8 children. Her father died and her mother was left to raise the children on her own. My grandmother got pregnant when she was 15 with her high school boyfriend. He decided he wanted nothing to do with the child and that’s when my dad was given up for adoption. During the 60’s it was very common to keep those topics private. No one talked about it. My biological grandmother was sent away to live with her oldest brother in the country during the pregnancy. When my dad was 3 days old he was given to my grandma.

My biological grandmother got remarried several years after having my father and had more children. They lived in Corpus Christi, Texas. Come to find out my father and uncle even went to the same high school but several grades apart and had no clue. My biological uncle was two grades behind my father at the same high school. Both of them had no idea they were brothers. My biological grandmother has 4 other children (2 boys and 2 girls) When I discovered who my biological grandfather was and that he had 8 children (all from Corpus Christi) I freaked out. How could I have 12 aunts and uncles and not know any of them? Well, as I started researching I found out that I went to the same high school as them. My biological uncle and I were in the SAME grade at the SAME high school. Again, I had no clue who they were or that they were related to me. My dad’s youngest brother is younger than me.

THANK GOD I did not end up dating one of my uncles or cousins. SERIOUSLY, number 1 reason you should NEVER lie to your children about adoption.

So here I am, looking at all of these peoples Facebook accounts. Comparing pictures and similarities. My father looks so much like his siblings. None of my biological grandfather’s children know my dad existed because my biological grandfather never told them. Even my biological grandfather’s sister knew about my dad and never said a word to anyone else. We have mutual friends with them on Facebook and they have no clue who I am.

I got the guts to call my biological grandfather. I decided to call him on his work phone because I did not know if his wife knew about my dad. He picked up the phone and I told him who I was. He had no idea who Alexandra Torres was. Once I explained that I was his son’s daughter (who he put up for adoption in 1965) he kept telling me how “interesting” this all was. He told me “We will just have to see how this plays out”. Well, I guess that was my answer on him wanting anything to do with us and that’s okay. I am not bitter towards him in any way. Even though my life has had many, many obstacles I love it and would not trade it for anyone else’s life. I am married to the most amazing man and we have the most amazing children. We are so blessed! I really feel sorry for my grandfather because he is missing out on a wonderful family.

But here I am… I have 8 aunts and uncles that have no idea who I am. They all live in Corpus Christi and some have families. What do I do?

I am super thankful that the truth came out. I have gained a large family and I look forward to getting to know them. The good and the bad. My whole life my grandma told me that I was French, Spanish and even that far down the line Filipino. I remember telling people that and I am sure they thought I was a pathological liar because I obviously don’t look Filipino. Come to find out my biological grandmother is Italian (her grandfather moved her from Italy when he was 14) and my biological grandfather is German. Yes, keep laughing. I have been telling people all my life that even though my mom is 5’8’’ and my dad was 6’2’’ i get my 5’3’’ height from my grandma who is a tiny woman.

I also found out that my grandfather is a TWIN. He is a fraternal twin. Yep, that’s genetic. Since we are still planning on having more children that was a very good thing to know.

I am learning every year of my life that Paradise is a process. Paradise is what you make of it. I am going into this process with zero expectations. I love my life and whoever wants a relationship with me and my family will be a added bonus for us. God, you amaze me and continue to make me laugh.

To be continued ….

This is a picture of my biological great grandfather and great grandmother. For privacy reasons I will not be posting pictures of my grandmother , grandfather aunts or uncles.

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